I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
