He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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