just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize