If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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