Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize