im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
