Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
