pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
