Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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