Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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