Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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