Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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