You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
