That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
