I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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