Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm at about main and main street
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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