I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize