We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
