So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I smell like Dick and happiness
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
