Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
