Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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