Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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