Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
