You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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