Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
vagina is talking i cant
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
