I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
