We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
