My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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