Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
