I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
