I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize