Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
