I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
