I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
