This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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