Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
