I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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