OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
the liver wants what the liver wants
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Randomize
