proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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