The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
