i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
