i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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