both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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