Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
