Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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