I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
