I've blown a few things in my day
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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