I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
