I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
nutella sex= disaster
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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