I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
