And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
