...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
