Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
