who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
