apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
