It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
