i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
