I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
